The Last Time - The Hand of the Goddess

In January of 1994, I was doing a little thing every couple of days. I would pick up money from a couple of different people and then take a trip out of town a ways to a friend's house and get something. I'd get enough for the money I picked up and there was always a little extra in it for me. Sometimes there was a lot extra for me. It took me two days to do this gig, cause my friends that I visited didn't like traffic at their house. So if you came over - you hung out for a couple of days. Their neighbors thought I was her sister after a while and got to know my face.

Anyway, when I got back to town after each trip, I went down to the marina to separate out what was mine from what I had to drop off. I liked to put mine into a number of much smaller containers so that if anyone saw what I had, they only saw the smaller amount and couldn't figure out how much I really had. After this trip, I probably had 10 or 15 of the smaller packages in my pocket for my own use.

I had just finished up, had dropped off what I needed to and was hanging out at the marina trying to decide if I was going to head back to where I was staying. I had been staying with this guy, but he was bugging me. For some reason, he seemed to think that he was entitled to half of what I had. Anyway, another friend came up and we got to talking and I mentioned that the next day was my birthday.

He suggested that I come out to his houseboat and he would cook me a nice dinner for my birthday. When he mentioned a hot shower, I was sold and off we went.

The houseboat was moored way out in the bay, not tied up at some marina and it was so nice out on the water. I took a long hot shower and had a great dinner. It was nice to sleep in a good bed and not be woken up at all by anyone. I stayed out there for 3 days before heading back.

The place I had been staying was a duplex with a big apartment on the top floor - so 3 units. It had gotten really hot there for a while cause people were in and out all hours of the day and night. It was down in the industrial area right across from a wrecking yard. When I got back there, no one was there. Not in any of the units. I knocked on the door and a neighbor said "The police came thru a couple of days ago with warrants and took all those people to jail"

Yep, I found out later that on my birthday, the police had come and gone thru all the units and taken everyone on the property to jail. If I had been there, I would have had a pocket full of packages and surely would have been charged with possession with intent to sell.

I left there feeling like the hand of the Goddess had reached down, picked me up by the back of my neck and shaken me hard, saying "Is this what you want?".

It wasn't what I wanted - I've never been arrested and I would like to keep it that way. It was important to me not to be arrested, cause somehow I felt that if I didn't have a police record, I might be able to eventually get my life back. But if I ever had an arrest for possession, I would be forever stuck with it on my record and would have no possiblity of recovering my previous life.

So, I got what belongings I could carry, went back to the houseboat, sold or did the rest of what I had, and bought a ticket out of there.

I haven't used since and it's been 12 years since that day. I now have everything I never dreamed possible for me to have. A home, a family, an amazing job, my sanity. I think of how insane my life was then and I am thankful every day for the peace in my life.

[homeless][recovery]