I was sitting in the park one day. There was a music event of some sort going on at the stage - God rocks or something. Lots of people around - people that weren't normally hanging out there.
I had my blanket spread out and my treasures surrounded me. My bicycle laid on one side and I was fiddling with something. I may have been sorting beads or taking some small electronic device apart for the cool brass pieces inside of it - anyway - I was in my own little world.
The shadow of a person fell over my space and whoever it was asked me something. I didn't even look up, just said "no thanks" and continued with what I was doing. The person didn't move and spoke again - this time I heard my name and I looked up.
It was a friend from the BEFORE TIMES. From when I worked and lived in a house and had friends and functioned. She and I had met when I first moved here and had been room-mates at times, lovers at other times. She'd been there for me after I was raped and I remember loving her.
She asked if I would have dinner with her, we could catch up. I said sure and we packed up my bicycle and stuff and put it in her truck.
She took me home with her and I got to take a long shower. We went out to dinner and talked for hours and then she let me stay with her that night. One of our conversations revealed that she had kept up with her sobriety and had about 7 or 8 years clean and sober.
The next day, she was off work and we just hung out - then she asked if I would go to a meeting with her. I went with her and sat there thinking "man, these women are not doing so hot"
The next day she asked if I would consider living with her, she said that she still loved me and wanted to know if I thought I could stop using and be a part of her life. I thought about it and told her that I just didn't think that I could do it.
I left the next day and went back to the park.
She came by once in a while and took me home, let me bathe, fed me and dragged my sorry ass to a meeting. I would stay a few days and then run off. There was one time when I thought I could stop using and I stayed with her for a few weeks, but I was wrong and violated her trust badly. I loved her, but could not get clean for her.
When I moved to Phoenix and decided that I had to get clean or die, I knew what to do. She had showed me that a better life was possible and that there were tools that I could use to get that life.
I want to thank her for all that I have now. None of it would have been possible if she had not found me, and continued to find me, and refused to give up on me. She saved my life and I hope that in some way she knows how much I appreciate it and how much I love her for it.
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2 comments:
Hello Barbara:
I just read your first post about the old friend who paved to way to your recovery.
She was like your guardian angel and I can see how she contributed to your well being.
We often think, that angels are ethereal and have big white wings. Nope, angels are people full of love and generosity. Your friend was your wingless angel.
BTW, I'm glad you are able to get on with you life. Reading your post gives me a picture of a charming and very intelligent woman who has a lot to give to others. You have a beautiful way of expressing yourself.
Have you thought of writing for a living? I would be one of your readers.
God bless,
Omar.-
Omar, I agree. I have been blessed by many angels on my path. I only hope that I have contributed my own share to others that I have touched.
I only started writing recently - these little stories of my past are a way to ensure that the people that touched my life do not go un-remembered.
I would like to put a book of stories out there one day, but right now, I am getting comfortable with this.
Thanks again
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