Tuesday, February 28, 2006

The role of mind altering substances

Almost everyone I knew when I was homeless used something to one degree or another. What and how much they (or I) used is not the point.

IMHO (and that's what a blog is - right?) addiction & homelessness are only two symptoms of the same problem.

My drug use did not cause me to become homeless. It was despair and hopelessness that drove my drug use.

Using something to numb out the pain of just being was common on the streets. I know that it worked for me for a long time. For many that I knew, it was self medication for some sort of mental illness.

I thought that I used because I was in pain, and once whatever was causing me pain stopped, I would no longer choose to use. Hah! The idea that using contributed to the pain was anthema to me. If I admitted that, I might have to stop using before the pain could be removed. Hard to trust that there was anything that could be done about the pain in lieu of burying it inside a cocoon of cotton that drugs gave.

It wasn't until I stopped using that I could even determine what hurt and what might be done to make it stop.

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