Tribal affliliations

I remember coming to Arizona and feeling like I didn't fit in. My family is here, but it had been so long since I had felt connected to them.

Connectedness is really the issue.

Leaving the loose homeless tribe in California behind was hard. I knew them. Knew what to expect from them. Knew where to go if I needed taking care of and knew how to take care of those who needed it.

When I got here, I realised that building a new tribe was going to be the most important part of being able to survive here. Going to NA was a part of that. I learned that showing up is one of the most important parts. Talking to people is another. For people to become part of your tribe, they have to understand who you are. And for me, I have to think I know who you are for you to be part of mine.

Family was harder than I thought it would be. They are a bunch of loving, loud, pushy, overwhelming people that are honest and truthful. The sheer numbers of them can be too much at one time. At first I could only stay at family gatherings for a half hour or so and then I had to leave. But I pushed myself to go, because participating is the only way to be a part of. I wanted to be part of them so much.


NA was a little easier - meetings are about an hour and not nearly as chaotic. Get there early and offer to help and people will talk to you. Forming an NA tribe is tricky. I needed people who had what I wanted and also needed to feel like I had shared history with them. Going to a lot of meetings solidified my ability to choose who to emulate. I was told (and believed) that if I wanted what they had, doing what they were doing was a good start.

I miss the tribe I left behind in California. There are times when I feel like I deserted them. I left to get better and left them behind. It feels selfish. My life is so good now.
[Recovery] [homeless] [Family] [Connecting]